Seeing Green.

I'm addicted to Green Tea Oreos.

Someone. Help. Me.

//edit.

I was surfing some blogs that people had recommended and came across one called: "Not Just Another Blonde in Beijing." (http://notjustanotherblondeinbeijing.blogspot.com). The author is from the US and currently living in Beijing teaching English to young students. I came across a recent post that totally shocked me because it put it words exactly how I have been feeling being in China for the summer:

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"He told me in Chinese, there is a saying "万事开头难". In English "Everything has a difficult beginning."

This saying really hit home for me. I adore traveling. I always have. I have an insane case of wanderlust and dreaming of all the places I will see is one of my favorite things to do. I also have been studying Chinese for the past 2 years or so and I love the language. Thats why the difficulty of adjusting to life in China came as a total surprise to me. I've been homesick. I've experienced a bit of culture shock. And I truly didn't even consider that this would happen.

Prior to moving to China, I've lived clear across the country, on complete opposite coasts from my family - about as far apart as you can get without leaving the country. I never felt homesick. I didn't think living in China would be any different considering I'd already been living so far away from family. But a month or so after arriving, sometimes I've felt like I can literally feel the distance between here and "home".

I knew the food would be an adjustment for me, but other than that, I really didn't believe I would have trouble adjusting to my new life in China. I've also never dealt with culture shock before. I've been to many countries but the thing with traveling is, most people never stay in a new country long enough to experience culture shock. It is usually preceded by a honeymoon period in which everything different about the country is looked upon in a romantic light... but the honeymoon phase ends and pretty soon the things that were so unique or amazing are just sometimes obnoxious and annoying....

"oh my gosh that car was really going to hit us! they weren't going to even STOP!"

"this taxi driver literally refused to take us! he shooed us out of his cab!"

"O.M.G. it is 100 degrees outside and they have raw meat just SITTING OUT THERE?"

"...if I hear ONE MORE PERSON HAWK A LOOGIE!!!"

"Chinese food... AGAIN!!?!!"

YOU GET MY POINT!

Its a challenge. About 75% of the time I KNOW how lucky I am! I try to take EVERYTHING in. As I was walking down a hutong (alley) the other day, I literally stopped walking, looked around one minute, shut my eyes the next, and just took it all in. I felt the sunshine on my skin... heard the bikes whizzing past, the man whistling a traditional Chinese song as he walked by me, smelled the delicious scent of Chinese food in the air... there was no where I would have rather been. I LOVED CHINA.

But, the other 25% of the time, its hard, and I miss home and I would do almost anything to eat some tasty American food, and I miss my dog, and just getting in my car and driving where ever I want, and not having to worry about being scammed or having the price hiked up just because I am a foreigner... and just the ease of speaking my native language. (I feel like I am learning ALL DAY and it is exhausting sometimes.) (And my husband has our alarm clock set to the Chinese talk radio station and we really need to change that... when Chinese is literally the first thing I hear when I wake up it PISSES me off. LOL).

A friend I came across wrote in an email "China is hard" ...and I know what they mean. Sometimes, China IS just that - hard. Its no longer the Western world and sometimes those differences are very noticeable."

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I seriously don't think I could have said it better myself. When emailing my friends, I feel that I am coming off as "not as excited as I should be" living here or that I'm wining about it too much or taking it for granted because I'm "too American" but no one knows how difficult it is to stay here for a long period of time until they ACTUALLY DO IT THEMSELVES. Now I know I'm not alone. I was even asking myself "am I trying hard enough" in the beginning since I was having such a hard time, but it's all clear to me now. I'm really starting to embrace being here and I'm happy about that. But it's soothing to know that I'm not the only one that has had difficulty even though, like this author, I love traveling and am very cultural-y minded and am used to being away from home since I go to school hundreds and hundreds of miles away from home. Some part of me feels relieved. I'm just so shocked that someone took the words right out of my mouth since I was having difficult putting my feelings down on paper (or this case, online). IT JUST TAKES TIME!!!

Life lesson #345345 learned-Check.